What April Showers and your Relationship with Your Partner Have in Common

Once upon a time there was a hit song that went something like this: “Raindrops keep falling on my head”. Do you remember it? Well I was thinking about this song the other day as the rain was pelting down from the sky. And it suddenly dawned on me – raindrops and our intimate relationships have a lot in common. No two raindrops are the same – just as no two days in our relationship are the same!

Let me explain. Whether we admit it or not, we all think we are going to fall in love with Prince Charming, and live the rest of our days together in a Disney fairytale – ‘happily ever after”. And we take the words “happily ever after” literally. Truth be told, I don’t know anyone who has ‘lived happily ever” – all day, every day, day in and day out as the Disney fairytale romances suggest. However, you can live happily ever after if your relationship is based upon realistic expectations; some of which are discussed below.

1. No two days of your relationship will be same – Just like no two raindrops are the same, no two days of your relationship will be exactly the same – ever. Somehow we have fallen into the trap of thinking every day our relationship is going to be a fairytale come true. Come on, get real.

2. Great Relationships Endure Stretches of Less than Great Moments – Just as a beautiful garden requires days and weeks of rain – without any sunshine in sight; great long-term relationships endure hardships. They often require days and weeks, if not months of feeling as if you didn’t married your Prince Charming after all. During these stretches of less than fairytale moments in your relationship, remember that “nobody’s ever had the rainbow baby, until they had the rain”! When your relationship appears to be experiencing a drought of special moments and sunshine, remember your garden and the fact that it requires many sunless days until it finally blossoms too!

3. As we endure “rainy months” like April so, too, will our relationship go through less than shiny days. Just as we experience rainy seasons throughout the year, our relationships also undergo seasons of change as well – it’s just not as easy to predict when these changes will occur -and what, exactly, they will look like. Therefore, it is important to remember that true intimate relationships do not just “happen” and they do not just remain the same. These relationships are constantly evolving and they require attention and nurturing throughout their evolution!

4. You will go to bed angry at times. I can hear the chorus of “Yeah, finally someone is telling the truth!” In spite of what other relationship experts tell you, you will go to bed angry with each other at times. (As I mentioned earlier, I am just giving you only realistic advice and expectations). So don’t think your relationship is doomed the first time this happens. It is okay. Sure, you don’t want to make it a habit; by the same token I don’t want you to believe it is the beginning of the end either. Sometimes we do more harm than good if we try to talk about issues that are upsetting us – and the distance a good night’s sleep provides often puts things in a much needed and better perspective.

So we enter one of the most beautiful seasons of the year with rain! Yet we know that the rain is needed for our beautiful garden to bloom. So when your relationship finds itself in a less than sunny place, it might help you to remember that no relationship has “ever had the rainbow baby, until they’ve had the rain”! I am not making light of difficult moments we might have in our relationship, but I am suggesting we keep these difficulties in perspective!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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