It is with tremendous sadness that we all heard of Whitney Houston’s death just a few days ago. Speculation will surround the circumstances of her death for years to come, regardless of the toxicology reports. But what has struck me is the conversation surrounding what lead to the demise of what was once a promising career and future.
Time and time again, speculation turns to the man Whitney Houston once married, and the father of her child, Bobbi Christina. This man, of course, is Bobby Brown, her ex-husband.
Prior to her marriage, Whitney Houston appeared to have a career and life without limitations. Her beauty, talent and loving family seemed to suggest that Whitney Houston did indeed, have it all. Yet, when you look back and try to figure out what defining moment(s) unraveled all this unmitigated promise and talent, we can’t help but go back to her marriage to Bobby Brown. Now I do not have any more inside information on her marriage than you do, but I will tell you this – who we marry influences our happiness and success in life in predictable and unpredictable ways. This cannot be more poignantly demonstrated than watching the rise and fall of Whitney Houston. If you ever watched the reality TV show she did with Bobby Brown, you got a glimpse into her downward spiral of what appeared to be drug and alcohol addiction. This reality show was so painful to watch. Bobby Brown’s influence on Whitney’s unhealthy lifestyle was without question – and it was like watching a train wreck.
So what’s the point you might be asking? My point is we must be ever cognizant of the fact that when we choose to commit ourselves to someone else in an intimate relationship, we make ourselves vulnerable to them. It is this very vulnerability that, in fact, allows us to become intimate with our partner; because without vulnerability there cannot be intimacy. Therefore, we must recognize within ourselves our own frailties and vulnerabilities so we do not connect with someone who might take advantage of them. Many people look for a partner who they believe will “complete” them. The truth of the matter is that no one can complete us – only we can complete ourselves. We want a life partner who will complement us.
In the final analysis we are all responsible for the choices we make, like it or not, it is true. However, we must remember to choose a life partner who complements us. If we want our partner to “complete” us, we will come away from our marriage or relationship feeling empty and unfilled – and in danger of having our vulnerabilities exposed, instead of protected.
Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,
Dr. Patty Ann
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