Building a relationship is more beneficial than building a transaction. And the truth is when it comes to balancing relationships with money, women do it better. A lot of alpha males think they can do everything by themselves, but that is not possible. Two independent people, whether they are male or female are always better than one. Join your host, Dr. Patty Ann Tublin as she talks to Scott Danner about building relationships and empathy. Scott is the CEO of Freedom Street Partners, a practice that supports financial advisors in their next successful career step. Scott is also a firm believer in human connection and that when people work together, they can achieve more. Learn how to have empathy while taking action. Discover how failure is just a natural way to success. And know more about building and strengthening your relationships today.
—
Listen to the podcast here
Two Is Better Than One: The Power Of Connection And Relationships With Scott Danner
In this episode, we have a part two interview for you with the infamous Scott Danner. Before we go any further, I’m going to ask you to please like, share, comment, and subscribe to the show. If you have been reading this, you know a little bit about Scott already, so I’ll briefly repeat myself and let you know that Scott is so much more so.
He is the CEO of the Freedom Street Partners. He is passionate about empowering people to gain freedom financially through discipline. As I mentioned, Scott is such an all-around awesome Renaissance guy. I am so delighted that he has agreed to do part two of this episode because we left off last time and we were like, “We need more time.” Without further ado, welcome, Scott.
Thank you so much. For part two, I even grew a little bit of scruff so there would be a difference between the two episodes. I’m so excited. I talk to a lot of people, and we do shows quite regularly now. This was one of my favorite conversations. We connected on so many levels. We got to meet in person a couple of weeks later, which worked out even great. We even run similar lives. I was leaving the gym, and you are coming into the gym. It’s perfect connectivity, and I love your energy. We’re excited for part two. Hopefully, everybody else loves it too.
We could have been chatting for hours even before I started the recording. We were at the place of relationships, women, children, and how we empower people. We were talking about history. It is where we left off. It might have been Lincoln. What do you remember of where we wanted to start off now?
We were talking about a couple of things that we wanted to talk deeper about. Number one is you asked me a question about how I built my business. I gave you the answer, which was I was 23 years old in the financial industry. I am cold calling and knocking on doors, and doing anything it takes to build my business. The reality is I realized very quickly that men don’t want to give you a shot. They look at you like you’re their son. You’re a 23-year-old punk kid who doesn’t know anything yet. Women look at you like you’re their son, and you can change the world. You can be anything.
It’s the same thing. A man looks at you like you’re their son, “I have so much to teach you, son, because you know nothing.” A woman looks at you like, “You are my son. How may I help you?”
One sees all the things you’re not, and one sees all the things you can be. The reality is I started teaching David Bach’s book Smart Women Finish Rich. I started at a library. I had three people there the first time. I had memorized every aspect of this presentation in the book. I listened to the tapes on how David had done it. I was like, “I could do this. I can deliver this.” I started and got 20 to 30 women. I then would have crowds of 100 women. I was speaking to the National Association of Retired Teachers.
They’ve developed into something much bigger. I like to laugh about it because I had five aunts and an uncle growing up on my mom’s side of my Italian Catholic family. I grew up in this environment with all these women around me all the time. They were all teenagers. At the end of the day, I was the firstborn grandson. I didn’t know the wealth of opportunity I had in front of me, which was learning from strong women.
I got to see every aspect of relationships and their marriages. Growing up, I was involved in so many things that most kids don’t get to be. I was an old soul. I listened and learned. When I got to college, I remember guiding my friends on things they didn’t understand. I was like, “I’ve heard this. I sat at the beach and listened to this conversation. I understand.”
The men who grew up with women or had sisters or like what you described got the playbook on how to deal with women.
What’s interesting is we are uniquely different in a lot of ways, but when you understand the similarities and the thing I mentioned about wanting to have a relationship versus a transaction, it can be so much more beneficial. One of David Bach’s lines in his book which I loved is, “What are women better at than men?” I would ask the room, and they throw out words. Words would range from everything.
Here’s what it was. The one word that resonated the most was the word commitment. It was the commitment to just about everything. They were more committed to their financial paths. Once they set it, they were more committed to relationships early on. They knew what they wanted early but they saw the possibility. I’ll round this part out. We had some good thoughts here. What I learned was I was early in understanding that women were becoming the head of households financially.
I was early in seeing the trend of more women going to college than men. I was early in educating. I had husbands that would call me and say, “Why did you give my wife all these questions to ask me? I’ve never had these questions, and I’ve been running these things for years.” I would say, “I’ve been on the other side.”
What forced me to do this was one of my very first clients. I’ll never forget it. Her husband was 55 years old and he passed away. She only would be on the phone. She wouldn’t come in. I never met her face to face. She would approve things with a quick phone call. That would be all the interaction. I did not know this person.
When that young person died, I was in the line for the wake. It was an hour and a half long. I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t even know this person. It’s my job to make sure they are protected, all their money is in the right spot, her insurance is covered, and her family has a legacy.” I’m going inch by inch, 30 minutes and 30 minutes. I finally get up and this lady bursts out crying when I introduce myself.
You were on the phone. All those calls were not video calls. They were phones.
Wanting to have a relationship versus a transaction can be so much more beneficial.
You got it. It’s a great help. I have never seen her face and I would only talk to her to say, “Is it okay if we…,” and she would always say, “Whatever my husband says, just do it.” That was it. I got nothing. I’m in line. She starts bawling and hugging me. I will never forget the feeling and the moment. I said, “Everything is going to be fine.”
She said, “I don’t know if I even can pay my bills. Do I have a mortgage? Is the house paid for? What are my bills? What do I have? Does he have insurance? Can I even get through the year?” She asked me all these questions. People are waiting in line to talk to her. I put my hand on her shoulder and said, “I’ve got you. We will figure it out. I don’t know all the answers because we don’t know each other very well.”
You haven’t had the portfolio because you didn’t think you were going to be grilled that way.
Truthfully, it was very new in my business. I was learning how to handle the relationships and understand all the other things I needed to know. I was probably 24 years old at this time. The long story short is I vowed to educate and learn from that experience. That Monday, she ended up having a celebration of life for the weekend. Monday morning, I was in her house having a cup of coffee at 8:00 in the morning with a couple of family members digging through files to try to find everything. We did it.
We found everything. She’s somebody that I’ve worked with for decades now. The point that I’m getting at is all that experience and stuff led to me wanting to do those conversations and events, and build my business with women and relationships that were a little deeper than the transactions that so many of my peers were focused on.
I have goosebumps listening to that story. I had held up early in my book title and my second book, Money Can Buy You Happiness, because people say no. I’m like, “It gives you choices and opportunities.” If that woman had to change her entire lifestyle, sell her home, and get a job, money might have made her happy. I saw what my mother had to do when my father suddenly passed away.
The difference between men and women is that there are always exceptions for the most part. Women are relational. Men are transactional. You were able to capitalize on that. I also understand working with women and their relationship to money is that women will take a long time to vet a financial planner like you. They will research you. They will probably know your shoe size. They won’t care about the diplomas on your wall.
They don’t care about any of that. The men are impressed with the glitter. They want to know who you know and where did you go to school. What women care about is that you care about them. It might be slow to reel them in, but once you have them, they’re committed for life. Has that been your experience?
It is 150%. Do you know why? It is because women do a better job of seeing through the garbage that is sales. I’m not saying that there aren’t things that women don’t see through the things that are sales, but when it comes to human interactions, authenticity goes a long way. Sometimes with men, if you’re too authentic, they think you’re weak. It’s a vulnerability. It’s the opposite. I told a guy before, “I have a 15-year-old son. He’s an alpha male.”
The challenge with men is I’m an alpha male and he’s an alpha male. What does that mean? A young alpha male hasn’t realized yet that better together is real. Two strong opinions from independent men, women or anybody doing something together is always better than one fighting the other with that scarcity mindset. Having that abundant mindset takes a little bit of time. As most families do, we’re working through understanding that, but occasionally, there’s a little bit of this bravado or cold shoulder like, “If I give in to dad too much, I’m showing him my weaknesses.”
The truth is that’s something that some people never outgrow. I was blessed and lucky enough not to be afraid of that level of vulnerability, but always to be strong in the places where I knew I needed to be strong. As a leader, that’s an authenticity factor that goes way further. In listening in the relationships, when you’re sitting down with anybody, I don’t care about business. What I do for a living is I run a financial advisory company and do appointments with clients. I’ve been in these interactions for many years and I love that. It’s the same as anywhere you go in life.
If you can connect with somebody at a different level and at a higher frequency, what you get out of that relationship is immense. It starts with me giving of myself something to you, not me taking something from you. I’m even looking for that in interactions nowadays in business. I don’t want to work with anyone who’s just looking to take something from me. I want to give to you first. When you find someone who’s willing to give to you, they’ll give you everything they possibly can if you’re also giving of yourself.
Giving has to be authentic. There are a couple of comments on what you said about knowing early on the concept of better together. You had a headstart because you were privy to a very sacred space. The sacred space was you heard the bathroom conversations that women have at the beach. That’s where women tell the truth. I hope this doesn’t gross people out.
We would walk into the bathroom talking. We go into the stalls to pay and we are still talking. We come out talking. We wash our hands talking. We go back to the table talking. We drive home and I’ll tell my husband, “Did you know so and so about something?” He goes, “What are you talking about? How did you know that?” I said, “They told me.” He goes, “What do you mean they told? We were dinner the entire time together.” I said, “Didn’t we go to the bathroom? Don’t you know we talk in the bathroom?”
You had that conversation with your family at the beach. You talked about vulnerability and I was so struck by this. This is where I feel our connection. I was looking at something, prepping for an event. You’re going to hear a lot more now about trust and empathy. That seems to be the buzz words now in the world. We go through phases. Now it’s trust and empathy for leadership. Trust is a formation of every relationship, especially if I’m going to give you my money. Other than my medical life, I am trusting you with my life and the lifestyle I can provide for my family. The way you develop trust is there’s a concept called the vulnerability loop. Have you heard of it?
Keep sharing because I want to know more. Everybody has different versions of everything that they teach. I’m always interested in learning from you.
Women do a better job than men of seeing through the garbage that is sales.
You probably know the accurate one. I’ll tell you what I think it is. The more trust the relationship has, the more somebody will be willing to share their vulnerabilities with them. You said men see vulnerabilities as weaknesses. Women see vulnerabilities as authentic. If I’m in a relationship with somebody or if I’m a leader of any capacity and I share a vulnerability with them authentically, then they are more willing to share their vulnerability with me. The deepest vulnerabilities go, the deeper the trust is.
Think about a marriage. When there’s an affair, the reason why it is so painful is that to develop a love relationship, the only way you can develop intimacy and love is by exposing your vulnerability voluntarily. When somebody betrays that, it is devastating. You have Bernie Madoff. He betrayed people’s trust. It was so devastating. The money was a huge part, but there was also a piece of yourself where you feel, “Who can I trust now?” If we didn’t have trust in the world, what do we have where we are now?
You said two things that are important that I don’t want to gloss over. This is crucial. Number one, I’ve said for years, people get divorced for 1 of 2 reasons. It’s sex and money. I always say, “I can’t help you with one of them but I can help you with the other.” It’s always a funny kind of joke. Here’s the reality. You talk about vulnerability. When somebody talks about their financial body of work, it’s almost like the vulnerability people feel when they step out of the shower in the morning, they look in the mirror and they don’t like what they see. Most people don’t like what they see in the mirror.
They haven’t found the comfortability, confidence and self-reassurance that it takes to move into a position of strength. The naked truth is you’re looking at yourself and you see all your inadequacy. You’re overweight. Your eyes are puffy. Everybody feels it. I don’t care how good you look. Everybody can find something they’re not proud of. If you don’t, you’re lying to yourself and you have even deeper work to do. Here’s the point. When someone comes in and talks about their money, I’ve always looked at it like they’re doing that with me in the room.
You’re sharing every single thing you have, every vulnerability and every mistake. It’s like, “I should have done this. I should have done that.” They are shamed. Even if they’ve done great, they never feel it. We go to Genius Network, and there are a lot of awesome people in Genius Network. The truth is some are way more successful than each of us in their own realms. My point is we can find something that they might be better at. If people harp on those things, they miss it. I believe that there’s a naked truth in that capacity. That’s an important thing.
When you say trust plus empathy, I love this because I’ve done a couple of videos on this topic. I’m diving deep into it. We have a generation of young people that are very empathetic. They come out of school. We interview them a lot of times, and they want to change the world, “I’m thinking about going to this nonprofit. I’m thinking about doing this.” They feel something so strongly but they just feel it. Maybe there are several that don’t do anything about it. Empathy is great, but empathy without action is a lot of times where you get into a loop that you can’t get out of because you’re always feeling sad for somebody and some things.
What I try to do is add a little bit of action. Even if that action is, “How can I make a change in the world? How can I help this person cope with this?” Maybe it’s bringing them dinner, but empathy isn’t just feeling sorry for someone. It’s adding a little bit of action along the way. If I’m so empathetic about a cause, I go to work for it. There are so many things that you can do. I love the way the mind is thinking. I am more excited about the opportunity it presents when they start putting that empathy with some of the actions to change the world for the better.
What you described is interesting. I had not quite thought about it that way because I was thinking about it more from a human relationship perspective. For people with the whole concept of empathy, what you can sometimes do is active listening on a one-on-one basis. What you’re saying is you run into that instead of the analysis by paralysis empathy. Sometimes that gets people into a “woe is me, cry me a river” mentality. Now, what have you done? You’ve embraced being a victim. Being a victim never serves you well at all.
I love victim versus victor. You’re using the language. This is why I love talking to you because victimization is when we’re mentally going through that loop, we have to choose how we’re going to receive that information. If you could be the victim of something very bad, I’m not diminishing those things. Bad things happen. It’s how we respond to bad things happening in our lives.
I had a flat tire on my brand new Tahoe. It has 3,000 miles on it and it took me eight months to order it. The nail goes through the corner, so now it needs a brand new tire. I’m blessed that I can get a brand new tire and it’s no problem, but there was a time in my life when I wasn’t. It would’ve been easy to say, “How can this happen to me? I’ve got a brand new car. Now I’m going to put a brand new tire.” You start to get in this loop of negativity and victimization. I love the way you’re describing it because I believe the same thing.
It’s the concept that we’ve heard in Genius Network. Sean Stephenson said it. I never had the privilege of knowing him but it is, “Is it being done to you or for you?” I’m sure you see this in your work as well. People will tell you at the moment when you’re going through hell. Somebody said it, I think it was Churchill or somebody, “When you’re going through hell, you keep on going.” You don’t quit. There’s something to be said for that.
When you look back on those challenging moments in life, most people would tell you they would never want that taken away from them because it taught them something. They were able to look at it as, “What can I learn from this? How can I grow from this?” It goes back to the whole conversation of failure. I don’t remember if we talked about failure but if you don’t fail, you can never learn. If you’re always comfortable, you’re not learning.
I’m trying to learn Spanish. I know two languages now. I know English and Brooklynese. Most people don’t understand my Brooklynese. There’s a whole story about that one too. I had a wealthy, obnoxious person after grilling me for hours saying, “Where did you travel?” I’m like, “I went to Brooklyn. I went to Queens.” I was a lot younger. He’s like, “I went to Spain and I went here.” These were exotic places to me at the time. After half an hour of being grilled, I’m like, “This isn’t funny anymore. I’m qualified. Do you want my help? I can help you. If not, adios amigos.”
He goes, “How many languages do you speak?” I said, “Two.” He goes, “Yes.” The silence was deafening. I waited and I made him ask me, “What’s the other language?” I’m like, “You’ve never heard of it.” He’s like, “Of course, I have. I speak Portuguese.” I said, “Brooklynese” That was my way of telling him, “Cut it out. I know what you are doing. Do you want to work with me or you don’t? Stop already. You had me enough.” I am trying to learn Spanish because I would love to know another language.
It’s uncomfortable.
I’m up to a 72-week streak. I do it five minutes in the morning and five minutes at night. It’s BJ Fogg’s Tiny Habits. You can carve it out, go to the bathroom when you wake up and have your coffee. In five minutes, you can do that. What I’ve learned is I’m a visual learner, which I didn’t know. You would think I would know by now, but I didn’t because I can read much better and understand. It’s so uncomfortable and frustrating but I’m like, “I’m going to learn how to do this.”
Empathy isn’t just feeling sorry for someone, it’s adding just a little bit of action along the way.
You’re not afraid to fail. The point is you’re stretching your zone. You’re getting uncomfortable. The perfect analogy to what you’re talking about, and I’ve told the story several times. A couple of months back, I was rushing. I had a long trying day. One that if I tried to explain to anybody, they would not have even understood. The decisions I had to make were immense and significant. I was emotionally drained. We had dinner plans with our good friends and neighbors. The doorbell rings. I’m like, “Why is the doorbell ringing?”
I go to the door, and there’s a pizza guy there. He’s delivering a pizza. I recognize the young man. I’ve known him. He dated a niece of mine. He’s a super nice kid. He’s at the door. He delivers a pizza. He has this very sad face on. He says, “I miss your family. I loved being around your family. Your family dynamic was something that was special to me.” He almost has tears in his eyes, and he does have tears in his eyes. I talked to him for a minute. I said, “It’s good that you get to know what you like.”
It’s because there’s no more relationship. I was like, “I need to do something for this young man.” I went and grabbed more cash. I wanted to give him a larger tip. I didn’t even know a pizza was coming to the door. That’s how good my wife runs the house. She has everything set. The kids were taken care of. Everybody was good. I ran outside and got to his car.
I handed him a good amount where he’s like, “You’ve already given me enough.” I said, “I don’t know why, but I feel like you need extra, and you need to know that you deserve it.” He almost breaks down and says, “I’ve been going through a really hard time. Can you tell?” I said, “I can. Tell me about it. What’s going on?” He said, “I’m lost.” That’s a little backstory. A quick end is this kid was a straight-A student, someone that was crushing life as far as school goes. Instead of taking a step to do something, he decided to take a year and figure it all out.
He’s completely lost trying to figure it all out. It’s easy to see. He goes, “I feel like school was so much anxiety.” I said, “I’m going to say something strong, and it might seem harsh to you, but I want you to understand something. Not everybody is great at school. You are a superstar at school. That’s number one. Now you’re ignoring something you’re great at to try to find something else. That’s a bad thing. Number two is on the other side of anxiety can be a success. You have to get through a little bit of that hard time to understand that anything worth having in life means it’s going to have a little stress and uncomfortability.”
He goes, “What you’re saying is I should just keep going and go past the anxious moments?” I’m talking to him outside. I said, “I don’t know everything you’re feeling. I don’t know everything you’re battling. What I can tell you is we’re talking about your future. If you keep pushing forward, past those moments of anxiety is going to be successful moments. As you approach the hell you were talking about, there’s that level of success and challenges that you overcame. Now, you know you can do more. You need to give yourself that confidence.”
He goes, “What do you think?” I said, “Get your ass back in school. That’s what I’m telling you. Go to school and figure it out at school.” I’m a guy that would tell you if the school wasn’t for you, don’t go to school. I don’t care but this kid’s school was right. He left and started following me on YouTube. Every once in a while, I’ll get a message from him. The point is being able to tune into the frequency of watching some of the challenges that we see in people losing the mentality of having faith in themselves to be uncomfortable and trust that failure is natural. Failure is a natural progression towards success.
You know the expression, “Your darkest before the dawn.” I feel grandma’s time here, but the younger kids are raised where everybody gets a trophy. Johnny goes up to that, and there are three pitches. He swings three times and strikes out. Everybody clapped and said, “Great job.” Actually, it’s “No, Johnny. You suck. Let me show you what you need to do. If you want to be good at this, these are the steps we take.”
Maybe you have a strength somewhere else, but you can’t quit. You have to finish your commitment. We have an issue with commitment because when it becomes uncomfortable, we skid out. We’ve allowed that to happen. I don’t think I want to go here, but I’m a little baffled. I’m a clinical psychologist. I get emotions. I get mental. I get all that.
I know it’s real, but I am a little baffled by these high-paid professional and highly endorsed amateur athletes all of a sudden bowing out because it’s too much pressure. I don’t want to sound unempathetic at all. I am not saying that these people do not have inordinate pressure on them. However, I feel like it has always been there, but maybe now there’s permission to step out.
There’s publicity. My first inclination when I see an Olympic athlete says that they’ve caved to the pressure is there are 50 other kids that want your spot. Don’t go if you can’t handle it. At the end of the day, it’s fine to step out. I have no problem with you bowing out. When you go to represent your country, or you go and in this high level of performance, it is pressure.
I’ve not been there. I’m not even saying I know how I would respond. All I’m saying is the publicity and the media wants to show weakness constantly. They want to show all these people failing all the time because it’s a better story to sell. It’s better to sell failure than it ever is to sell success. Success is short-lived because someone always has to do it bigger and better next. The publicity surrounding the significance of quitting is like I’m supposed to celebrate that.
I don’t do that. I will celebrate the fact that if you know you’ve hit a limit and genuinely need to pull back to provide yourself with the strength and stability to move forward in life, I’m going to be a top supporter, which I know you are as well. If you’re going to use it as an excuse to not perform at the level that you should be or could be performing, that’s an excuse. You’re naming something else as the issue.
Are we the silent majority? I don’t know if I would share my feelings.
We’re sharing it in public now.
We might get hate mail.
Failure is just a natural progression towards success.
Believing in something is better than believing in what everybody else says. I’m so sick of sheep. Everybody believes whatever they’re supposed to believe. People have forgotten curiosity. Curiosity is important. Why is this important? If you’re not asking yourself questions when you’re given direction or when you’re told to believe in something, you are doing what you’re told all the time.
I don’t want that in our business. I want people to be curious. Curiosity creates more opportunities to discuss, understand each other, and understand different sides, perspectives and upbringings. I love that about relationships and vulnerability, which is where we started. When you pull those things in, you can explore the bounds of where someone is comfortable and where they’re not. If my son came to me and said, “It’s too much stress. Soccer is way too much. I got to take a break.” Guess what my role is, “You got it, buddy, whatever you need. I want to talk to you about it. Tell me what’s on your brain. What’s the challenge?”
Let’s try to ask some questions to not just empathize but understand. People have forgotten that they can also help other people. The other thing is people don’t want any personal responsibility. They want to say, “They can’t do anything about it. They’re not able.” It’s hard work. I don’t know that there is a majority or minority or any level of decision-making. I’m the guy that watched my son play one season of tee-ball when he was four years old. We got in the car and I asked my wife, “Why do people let their kids play a sport and never ever show them or teach them any level of it?”
I had to watch some kids strike out on a tee-ball thing 72 times. Everyone is cheering, “Keep going.” At a certain point in time, I’m like, “Can little Johnny move on and let someone else have a turn to hit the ball? Dad and mom, go home and help him learn that because you could do that. I believe in you and the coaches.” My wife was like, “You’re taking this a little too seriously.” I said, “I’m not. Everybody’s time is valuable. We’re out here watching one kid hit it the first time, another kid takes a couple of times, and one kid takes 22 swings. Eventually, let them run around the bags and come back.”
Don’t let him think he’s better than he is. We have the whole growth mindset versus the fixed mindset. Let’s go back to what you said about empathy. Here’s what’s interesting. We now know that empathy is a competency that can be learned. This is news hot off the press. It was one of Steve Magness’s books, The Peak Performance. This is not my learning. This is somebody else but I see it. One of the ways that you can increase empathy is to walk a mile in the other person’s shoes.
I talked about this at Cameron Herold’s COO Alliance, where I was talking about rebuilding trust and CEO and COO business relationships. In the past few years, it’s empathy and how do you do that? It’s the same with trust. How do you do that? Now we have tools. When you walk a mile in another person’s shoes, if you imagine yourself in their position, you begin to empathize with them. You can start to understand where they are coming from. This is so cool and we don’t know why this is true.
Motion resonance creates emotional resonance. We know this, and I’ll tell you why we know it. It was Paul O’Neill, the New York Yankee. He was one of the first athletes that used to practice batting 500 times before he ever picked up the bat. He visualized it. You have to do it perfectly. When we watched the movie, we were so upset when there was something happening. It’s Hollywood. We know that’s Hollywood. We know it’s fake. What happens is when we watch something or experience the sensation of somebody else, our brain lights up as if we are doing it. Isn’t that fascinating?
If you can put yourself in someone’s shoes to experience their pain, sadness and joy, I also love to celebrate people’s wins. I’m like, “Good for you.” It’s peace of mind, just like your sadness is peace of mind. That creates empathy. The only way we can do that is if we stop all the noise, which social media is a part of, and listen. When you listen and bring in full circle the why question.
I can’t even tell you how many times a day I’m coaching clients. Whatever they tell me, I’m like, “Help me understand that. Help me understand why. Tell me more. Is it what you think it should be? Is it what other people will tell you? Is it your inner critic? Is it your childhood? Is it your boss? Help me understand.” There’s so much confusion out there. People believe what they believe. They don’t believe it. To your point, they’ve been told they should.
A little bit of curiosity can move them to a whole different place. Here’s something else. I’m not afraid to change my mind. The other thing is I’m not afraid to be wrong today. I don’t believe in this mentality that because I said something five years ago, that’s who I am or what I believe now. I am a person that is continuously growing and learning. My belief in something today may change tomorrow. I’m willing to be open to thinking that way. Most people are so confined to believe what they know now is finite. It’s not. It’s just the start. True wisdom comes when you realize you don’t know anything.
I have found this out in life. The more I know, the more I’m like, “I know nothing.” This is an embarrassing statement. I have always studied sciences. In college, I took the History prerequisite. I can’t even tell you what the course was. It fit into my schedule. It was a Wednesday at 1:00. I don’t remember anything, the class, the professor, nothing. In the prerequisite, I got an A, but I don’t even know what part of History I studied. As I got older and my kids got a little bit older. I’m like, “We’re not going to be watching TV at night because we’re not running around nonstop from morning until night.”
I’m going to start to read history. I have always loved to read. My mother loved history. I didn’t understand the song, “I’m Henry the Eighth, I Am. Henry the Eighth I am, I am,” until I learned about King Henry VIII’s wives. How dumb was I? I said to my husband, “I can’t believe I don’t know this.” He goes, “I can’t believe you don’t know this either.”
There’s a brilliant man I know. He’s going to run for the presidency of his country one day. He ran once before he lost, but he did that as a trial balloon to see how it works. He said his greatest learning is that he has to unlearn what he thought he knew to learn. That’s a sign for you of high emotional intelligence. You’re willing to change your position because your self-esteem and ego are not predicated upon being right. It’s okay to have been wrong to learn something new, but most people don’t want to do that now.
It comes back to that fear of failure. At the end of the day, there’s no greater failure than when everyone knows it’s yours. You have to own it and you get to say, “I’m wrong.” There have been many moments. You talk about learning empathy. I’ve always been someone who spoke out and argued for things. If I thought I could help move the needle somewhere, I fought for it.
In doing that, you also learned that you stick your foot in your mouth a lot of times when you’re young. You say something and hit somebody who walked in an emotional road you didn’t. You realize, “That’s a whole different ball game,” or you know someone who’s become homeless. You think differently about a situation the way you might not have thought when you were 22 years old. You see things that have changed in your life and gave you perspective, and then you try to portray it to your family, children, employees, and the people around us.
It’s why our parents get smarter as we get older.
It’s better to sell failure than it ever is to sell success.
I’m grateful for it. There were many times when their emotional intelligence, their ability to cope with things, and all that stuff, I completely agree. We don’t know it yet.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
When you talk about emotion, it’s interesting. I’ve always felt meditation for me happens when I listen to music. I often find moments in music where in a song, I think of exactly how that would impact me. I can almost see a video in my brain of what they’re talking about, how it affects my life, and how it makes me think. There’s an ultimate presence in that. It’s probably the same presence someone feels when they’re watching a movie. They feel the feeling.
That’s why music is the universal language. Are you a musician?
No, I’m not. I wish I was. I like to tell all the musicians out there and my musician friends that you wouldn’t be able to hear without a set of ears like me. Yes, musical talent is something awesome but I like to listen to it.
Here’s my last question to you, Scott. If people are expecting my normal last questions, you have to go back and read part one of our conversation. You do these shows enough. Everything happens. I thought that interview was two hours from now. I’m glad you showed up, so now I know. What’s the last book you re-read and why?
There are lots of business books and things I can tell you that I re-read all the time. I’ve been going on a spiritual journey and I’ve been re-reading the Bible and spending every morning in deep reading, listening and praying. The truth is I feel that as I’ve hit this next chapter of my life, it’s a great depth of blessing and gratitude. You see and learn so much. You get to see all the things that have happened to so many people and the impact that I’ve been able to make in my small space.
I’m so grateful for it. It’s allowed me to step back into a spot for me where I grew up. I feel this connectivity not just to my faith but also to the tradition of my family, our culture, my grandparents, and the things they raised me on. It’s a depth that goes way deeper than just re-reading Think and Grow Rich, which I’ve done twenty times or any of the other ones. It’s a different depth than it makes me think on a whole new level. That’s new. In the couple of three years or so, I’ve been on that journey and enjoyed it.
How can people learn more about you?
It’s ScottDanner.com. Keep following the show because I’m doing these types of things. I don’t get to talk to very many people as wonderful and phenomenal as you. I could learn from you all day. I know our conversations will continue. We’re going to do this more and more.
How about I would be a guest on yours?
You will do that. I’m getting ready to launch a podcast. I haven’t launched it yet but I’m building that out. You will be on there. I can’t wait to learn.
That concludes this episode of the show. Since I know you were blown away by Scott Danner, make sure you like, comment, share and subscribe to the show. I’ll see you next time.
Important Links
- Freedom Street Partners
- Smart Women Finish Rich
- Money Can Buy You Happiness
- Tiny Habits
- The Peak Performance
- Think and Grow Rich
- ScottDanner.com
- https://Amzn.to/3ojxjPD – Freedom Street
- https://www.Facebook.com/AuthorScottDanner
- https://www.Instagram.com/accounts/login/?next=/ScottWDdanner/
- https://www.Linkedin.com/company/scott-danner-freedom-street
- [email protected]
About Scott Danner
Scott Danner is the CEO of Freedom Street Partners, a practice that supports financial advisors in their next career step and helps them explore all available paths to secure a fulfilling future. After fifteen years of practicing on an employee platform, Scott founded Freedom Street and took it from $0 to $2 billion in assets under management in just five years. Scott is the co-founder of the Chesapeake Virginia Wine Festival and enjoys traveling the country with his wife to watch their two sons play soccer.
