5 Secrets to Surviving Marital Infidelity

It is sad but true. More than 50% of marriages experience the emotional turmoil of infidelity. Regardless of whether the infidelity has been of a sexual or emotional nature, it leaves the marriage/relationship riddled with doubt, hurt and the lingering questions: “Can we ever really love again?” and “Can this marriage be fixed?” The answer to these questions is a resounding “YES” and I’ve helped many couples do so over the years. Listed below are the secrets I reveal to both the cheater and the person cheated on who want to rekindle the love in their relationship AFTER the affair is over.

  1. Take full responsibility for the affair without any ands, ifs or buts. What I mean is the affair is not to be excused away based on the adulterer feeling unloved, ignored, unappreciated, or any number of reasons people have rationalized for stepping outside their marriage vows. No matter how you slice it, you broke a solemn vow for which there is no excuse. None.
  2. Apologize. Tell your partner you are genuinely sorry for the hurt and pain your affair has caused them. The sense of rejection one feels when they learn their partner has had an affair is excruciating. Say you are sorry and listen – without making any excuses.
  3. Build Trust. Ask your partner what you need to say and do that will help build and re-gain their trust in you. And once you have heard your partner’s needs – be trustworthy. If you make promises, keep them.
  4. Learn to effectively communicate what you want and need from each other – and make sure you are truly listening to each other.
  5. Forgive. At some point during the healing process you must make a conscious decision to let go of the pain – and all the other feelings surrounding the affair – and forgive your partner. You will never be able to move past an affair without forgiveness. Let go of resentment and build your future based on learning from this experience. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting – but you must forgive to move forward.

Most people believe an affair happens to other couples – until it happens to you. Implement these 5 secrets to help your marriage not only survive, but thrive after this painful experience.


Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann


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