Of course nobody really believes their partner is a mind reader, but that doesn’t mean we don’t act like we think they are. For example, I can’t tell you how many times a client has said to me: “I shouldn’t have to ask my partner for “it” (whatever “it” might be); if my partner really loved me he/she would know what I want (or need).” Really? And of course I tell these clients they couldn’t be more wrong. We need to effectively learn to ask for what we need if we want to make sure we get it.
No matter how many years you have known your partner, no matter how much a couple might love each other, nobody is a mind reader. We really do need to ask for what we want and need. It doesn’t matter if we desire something money can’t buy such as emotional support, or if we desire a luxury item that only money can buy (like an expensive gift). If you want something in your relationship (just like everything else in life) you have to ask for it. You increase your chances a hundred times over for getting what you want and need if you ask for it. This is as true with our jobs and our friends as it is for our intimate relationships too.
Below are 3 easy communication tips to ask for what you want and need from your partner – so you get it!
Communication Tip #1: Write what you want and/or need down on a piece of paper. The simple act of writing will help you process your thoughts so you can clearly communicate your desire to your spouse, helping you get ready to concisely ask for what you want and need.
Communication Tip # 2: When communicating, articulate your words and ideas clearly & be very specific by asking for exactly what you want and need. This will avoid miscommunications. There is no room for any communication that goes something like this: “You know, uh, sortofkindof, um, something like.” Okay, you get it?
Communication Tip #3: Use a positive approach when making your request. Do not threaten or accuse your partner of not caring about you because you have to go through “all this trouble” of asking for something. This approach will get you nowhere except maybe headed for a fight. Use the same negotiation skills you would with other people, such as your boss and/or co-workers to get what you want, and apply them to your relationship. Be positive and remember – timing is everything. Pick the right time and the right place to communicate your needs!
Remember, our partner cannot read our minds. Many partners would love nothing more than to give their spouse what they want and need – they just need to be told what those wants and needs are.
Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,