The Critical Relationship Tool Missing from Your Relationship

Effective communication is vital to a healthy relationship. However, there is a critical component of effective communication that many couples neglect to develop and it’s the ability to make your partner know that they have been truly heard. It is a rare experience for any of us to be listened to without judgment and/or interruption; where the other person is totally present and in the moment while we are speaking to them and not focused on another agenda either within or outside the relationship. In other words, it is rare for us to experience being completely listened to so the other person cannot only hear our words but also see into our heart and soul.

The absolute best way to effectively communicate is to be totally present when you and your partner are engaged in a conversation. You can think of this as being “in the moment” while your partner is speaking. It is really important not to interrupt – hear your partner out.

Don’t criticize and/or pass judgment on what your partner is sharing with you, even if you may disagree with their position. Understanding someone’s position is not the same as accepting it or agreeing with it. Most people just want to feel they are being heard more than agreed with. And remember, a feeling about a situation cannot be wrong. It might not be what you feel about the same situation, but that doesn’t mean it is wrong. Feelings are completely subjective.

If you are confused about what you are being told, ask questions. This shows you are engaged in the conversation and care about what is being said. It is important to ask open-ended questions like: “Please tell me more about such and such, I don’t really follow what you are saying.”

Following this advice will insure you and your spouse are effectively communicating with each other because you are truly listening to each other – the missing link for many couples to effectively communicate. The ability to do this exponentially increases your chances of working through all areas of conflict in your relationship without feeling misunderstood and/or not cared about.


Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann

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