Getting married is considered easy when you compare it to staying married. Contrary to what some people may think, no one ever goes into marriage hoping for anything but long-term happiness and romance. Unfortunately, many of us shoot ourselves in the foot in search of this “happily ever after” ending. Below are 3 common mistakes many women make in their marriage that gets in the way of achieving happiness and romance in their relationship – for the long haul!
- Unclear expectations – having these will set your relationship up for disaster. Many couples fail to discuss their expectations regarding roles, division of labor (chores), money issues, parenting styles and discipline once they get married. Unclear expectations are the kiss of death for your marriage. Many couples assume, incorrectly, that the way these issues and roles were played out in their childhood will work in their marriage – this is highly unlikely to occur. There are more ways to organize the running of a home than you can possibly imagine. Just because something worked for your parents, does not mean it will automatically work for your marriage. Remember, your husband grew up in a different home than yours – chances are his parents did things very differently than your parents!! Couples who discuss and create clear expectations from the get-go regarding their roles, chores and other “logistics” of running a home and raising a family have the best chances of staying happily married for the long-haul.
- Oblivious to the tone of your voice! Women love to accuse men of being unaware of the tone of their voice when they are speaking; however women can be just as guilty of using the “wrong” tone when speaking to men! Subtle, or not so subtle hostility or sarcasm in your voice can be the cause of major communication breakdowns in your marriage; and without communication, your marriage is surely doomed. The antidote to hostility or sarcasm is respect. Verbalize your concerns and issues in a respectful manner – this will insure you are heard in the manner in which you intend your message to be delivered.
- Failure to prioritize your relationship – yes, I know, we are all so busy and pressed for time. But in the final analysis what is “it” really all about? The most important thing we have in this journey we call “life” is our relationships – with the most important one being the one we have with our spouse and/or significant other. Just like a garden needs to be cultivated on a daily basis to flourish, so too does your marriage. Take the opportunity to compliment your spouse daily – just something as simple as telling them you like a sweater they are wearing will do the trick. Also – schedule date night – at least once a week. And it doesn’t have to be a date “night” – it can be a lunch, a walk in the park or quiet time alone. The only rule here is NO talking about kids, your jobs and money – everything else is fair game. And yes, there was a time in your relationship when you had other things to talk about – so remember them and start talking again so you can stay connected as friends and lovers, not just as parents and financial providers.
Ladies, avoid making the 3 common marriage mistakes listed above – and you will have a happy marriage that will last a lifetime!
Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,
Dr. Patty Ann
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